last couple of months

My life has been up and down and going in all different directions in the last well nine months.

Lets see my father was in the hospital for being burnt trying to start a pig cookerThen a week after that Rj or Raymond Jr was put in the hospital-he had caught the H1N1 virus and was put on full life support a week after being admitted to Duke and then had to have an emergency surgery to come off of it because bubbles were in the machine and he had failed all the test before and he was given 8% chance of survival and he is still here today because of God
Luckily during this I had some pretty amazing friends

I had started to become closer friends with Marissa Kernand towards the end of 2009 i was in a relationship with my best friend Duke
they both have been there for me and supported me through everything
they are my best friends and hopefully it will always stay that way

There were some other friends that have helped me out a lot and that I am grateful to have and they are Kevin, Hannah, Cassandra, Dawn, the whole Potter family, Andrews, many people at ITB

Duke and I have recently broke up more many reasons but the experience was memorable, and what I have learned will stay with me for the rest of my life. I am grateful to have had such an incredible man in my life. He showed me how to be more like Christ, how I could be a better person, and he made me realize that I was better than what I thought.

Life will never be how you expect it there will be paths that you may not want to take, and experience you would have never have wanted to experience. However God is the director in everyone's life and I am glad that He is directing mine otherwise I have no idea what I would be doing. I am glad that God has never given up on me and that He has forgiven me of all my mistakes, without second guessing.

:)

My sister and I are getting on a plane and flying to Michigan tom. to see our brother. We havent seen him since... I cant even remember.

importance

My main goal in life is to make God famous. My life wont be of any importance until that task is done. This task may seem complicated, but if you think about it is actually simple. Making God famous could be as simple as showing God's love in simple ways, such as giving a hug to someone who is going through a hard time. God commands us to love Him and to love others, and when we obey Him we are making Him famous. Just imagine our whole world trying to make the one true God famous, our world would be a glorious place. There have been days that I have not shown God's love and have not shown the Christian side of me that I want me to know. We all need someone that can hold us accountable and can help us stand strong against Satan who is trying to make this task impossible. But when two or more come together to honor God great things occur. So I am going to challenge everyone that knows me to hold me accountable that if you see me not honoring God or not doing my best that you tell me right then. I need help to complete this task and to make my life meaningful for Him. I would love to one day honor God by open a Christian dance studio where I can teach young children about God's love and teach them the beauty of dance. I believe that I can do this because I have God on my side, and because He has given me the talent to teach as well as dance. I can't wait to see what He does through me.

Lies

There are many lies that our world has begun to believe, and many of them are caused by Satan. Satan loves to try and tear us down, and make us believe stuff about ourselves that are not true. I have been caught up in some of the lies and I had changed who I was because of them. Some of the lies that I have been holding onto that I have recently given to God are:
-That I am not worthy or good enough for anything
-That I will never be a good enough daughter
-That I will never be a good girlfriend/wife
-That I wont be a good mom
-That I am not smart enough
-That I am not a good enough friend
All of those lies are NOT true! God has given everyone a purpose and a plan and He tells us that in Jer 29:11. God created everyone in His image so we are ALL worthy, good enough, and beautiful.

Kern's

I have never been the girl to have many girlfriends, because I am a tomboy. Many of the girls that I knew did not like to play sports because they were afraid of breaking a nail or being gross, so my group of friends normally consisted of guys. However in the past year or so I have started to become really good friends with the Kern twins. I first meet Marissa at Crossroads around a year or so ago...we don't even remember when. We first just started to hang out at church more, but then we did some double dates with Kevin and Duke. Marissa has been an amazing friend and she has helped me through a lot of rough times, and has helped me make sense out of my crazy life. She holds me accountable and is always there when I need her. Now for crazy Beth who I have just recently started to hang out a little more with. Beth is an incredible person to be around, and there is never a dull moment when she is around. Her personality and craziness is what I enjoy most about her, and I hope to continue to get to know her even more. Both of the Kern's are amazing and I am glad that I have had the chance to get to know them. I love both of yall.

The perfect boyfriend

Many people think the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend is someone with a great body, is popular, and is on a sports team. To me the perfect boyfriend isn't the sexy guy with the big muscles who has to prove himself on a sports field. The perfect man for me is a Christian guy, who will hold me accountable, be there for me, support me,not judge me, but encourage me, and love me even when I mess up. The perfect man is someone who will listen, he will protect me, not treat me as an item, and he will act himself around me. However there is NO such this a perfect man, because we ALL are sinners, and we ALL fall short of the glory of God. When it comes to being in a relationship you need to make sure that it is for the right reasons. Both individuals should have a strong friendship and feel like they can go to one another, it should be built on God's love and trust. A healthy relationship is only possible when God is involved, and you can't fully love someone else till you love God and yourself.

anger

My past has dictated how I am now, and I wish it didn't. Events with my parents and other individuals have caused me to be angry and hostile towards other individuals that I care about. I have been hurt a lot in my past and it has caused me not to be open or social with others that I love and care a lot about. I now realize how important it is to be open with others and how much others want me to share thing with them. I have had a hard time trusting others because of my past and this has caused me not to be open. Parents are supposed to be there for you during important events of your life and support you through everything. However because of my brothers condition my parents were unable to be there during important times in my life, and there have been times where they haven't supported me. My father and I have not had the best relationship over the past couple of years, but I am happy to say that I have recently forgiven him for what he has done. My past has caused me to be very angry and has not allowed me to be myself. I however have changed over the past couple of weeks because I have allowed God to change me and take all my burdens. When I gave God all my worries, burdens, and everything that I was holding onto it allowed me to change. I have now fallen in love with myself because I have realized that there is someone that will always be there for me, and that all the things I were believing were just lies. I am perfect because I was made in God's image and I can do anything and everything because of Him. I have changed because God has allowed me to and because His love and truth has fulfilled my heart and life. Having God be my true friend has helped me through everything. He has helped me realize that things happen for a reason and that I may not like them or that I may not like the timing that God chooses, but His plan is perfect. I am glad that God never stays angry at us for the sins that we have and that He forgives us and "brushes them under the carpet". I didn't understand how to forgive or the true meaning of forgiveness till my boyfriend and I broke up. I had many individuals that are important in my life talk to me about forgiveness and how God is always forgiving and that we should always forgive because He unconditionally forgives us. I am grateful that I have been forgiven of all my sins and that God hasn't given up on me. I can honestly say that I have been forever changed because of God and it is amazed.